What I Want Queer Africans To Know About Truly Accepting Themselves

At some point, you need to stop begging to be seen and start choosing who you are. 
For countless queer Africans and people of African descent, that realisation comes only after years spent trying to make family, culture, and faith love us back the way we love them.
We try everything within our power to become the perfect child, the helpful sibling, the silent one, hoping that if we’re good enough, maybe they’ll forget we’re different. However, they never do. Instead, they reject us, make fun of us, and act like they don't know us. So let me say this clearly: You do not need their permission to exist. You do not need their validation, approval, or apology to heal.

What changed everything for me was making peace with myself. For years, I fought with myself to change who I was and become more like what they wanted. That peace only came when I decided that being gay wasn’t a curse, a phase, or a rebellion. It was just me. A person who is content with who they are, there is nothing to prove, nothing to be ashamed of, just a good human being. I stopped explaining myself. I gave up on the idea that I would ever be accepted. And I stopped apologizing for being alive. The real turning point was becoming emotionally and financially independent. Once I was no longer dependent on my family, I took back control of my life. That freedom allowed me to set boundaries not out of hate, but out of self-respect.

Radical Self-Acceptance
Look in the mirror and say: I am light, I am Love. I am exactly who I am meant to be.
Because it is true, say it until it stops sounding like defiance and starts to sound like your truth.

Emotional Detachment from Rejection
When someone turns you down, they show how limited they are, not how valuable you are.
Let the silence they're giving you be their story, not yours.

Financial Independence
Money gives you a lot of power, especially when your life depends on people who don't see you as human. Even if it takes a while, build your own foundation. Every little step towards independence is an act of resistance.

Community
Family is the one who is there for you when you're down.
Find your people online, in queer spaces, in DMs, at events. Family is more than just blood relatives. You don't have to be related by blood to be family.

Boundaries
Getting rid of people who want to hurt you is not mean; it's smart, saves you energy, and is good for your mental health.
It is possible to love someone from afar without letting them hurt you or those you care about.

Courage To Rewrite The Story
Being queer and African is not a contradiction.
It’s a legacy of courage, creativity, and resilience that has existed long before colonial religion tried to erase it.

The peace I have now didn’t come from forgiveness, it came from honesty.
I stopped trying to convince people who were committed to misunderstanding me. I stopped being emotionally harmed by guilt. Not only that, but I chose to heal loudly and live freely. You can too.
What makes you valuable isn't what your family thinks of you; it's written in your breath, your laughter, and the fact that you exist.

To every queer African trying to rebuild from rejection:
You are not alone. You are lovable. You are not a mistake you are a masterpiece. Make peace with yourself. Build your freedom brick by brick.
And remember, walking away isn’t weakness. This marks the start of becoming a better version of yoursel

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