How To Handle Homophobia, Particularly For African Queer People

African people experience homophobia differently; it's not just insults; it's a combination of culture, religion, family, fear, and survival, and the majority of us learned to shrink before we learned to breathe.

This week, I want to go into more detail about something that many of us carry around in silence: How to deal with the violence, ignorance, and hostility that follow queer Africans everywhere. Not with fear or fake optimism, but with boundaries, clarity, and the truth.

First, let's make this clear: your safety is the most important thing.
Although it is powerful to be open, visible, or expressive as a queer African, your financial, emotional, or physical security should always come first. Proceed at your speed. Do what makes you feel safe, not what other people or social media say you should do. Being visible is lovely, but surviving is sacred. Whenever you feel in danger, threatened, or unsure, you should put safety first, find a safe community, and stay away from dangerous places. Moving quietly until you're ready is perfectly acceptable, and there's no deadline to adhere to. The journey is yours, and the most crucial thing is that you remain safe.

Growing up queer and African teaches you to foresee danger before you learn to trust yourself. The majority of homophobia isn't sporadic; rather, it originates from people who feel that their culture and religion give them the right to harm you. To get through it, don't pretend or "tolerate." Instead, choose to be yourself.

Homophobic people will say they're defending "culture," "morality," or "family honour," but what they're really doing is defending their fear. You can't argue your humanity with someone who wants to deny it. As soon as you stop taking their hate personally, you regain your power. 

Africans love to say, "Don't say it," which means "Don't embarrass us," or "Just keep it private." This means that they want you to do what they say, not keep you safe. Silence is not something you owe anyone so they can feel at ease while you suffer.

You don't win by putting up with abuse. You win by leaving places that make you feel small. Silence is not peace; it is pressure. Boundaries are survival. Distance is self-respect.

Because we understand and believe that family is more than blood, create a community with people who will love and care for you. For queer Africans, community is often built instead of passed down.

You need people who don't think your existence is up for debate, who understand your reality, and who listen to you without passing judgment.

Having support makes it easier to stay alive, and having a community makes staying alive more meaningful.

Truth be told, it's easier to leave homophobia behind when you don't need homophobic people to live. These three things can help you stay alive: emotional independence, financial independence, and housing independence.

They want us to be ashamed, quiet, and small. Your queerness is not a flaw, though; it's your truth, your creativity, and your strength. In addition, it's the part of you that won't die, regardless of who tries to shut it down. You can choose to be proud, but shame is something that people inherit. Choose pride every day.

The most vocal homophobes depend on us being afraid, invisible, or erased.
You upset their hate by picking visibility in your own way and at your pace.

Being visible is power; expressing oneself is power; surviving is power.

Besides that, being African and queer is not a contradiction; it's a legacy.

“Tolerance is not enough. “I'm here to live fabulously, flamboyantly, and wonderfully.”

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Thanks for being here and picking truth over fear.
You deserve freedom, joy, safety, and softness, regardless of where you are in your journey. Homophobia failed. Yes, you are still here.

Charles