Homophobia And Microaggressions In The Workplace: How To Protect Yourself Without Saying Sorry

Each week brings with it the stress of work, expectations, survival, and the world's attempt to dictate our identity.

That being said, we can be ourselves here and breathe.

If you're tired, hopeful, soft, chaotic, or strong this week, I want you to come as you are.
Here, we don't perform or shrink; instead, we speak the truth, occupy space, and remember that simply being queer, African, and alive is already a victory.

Think of this newsletter as a calm place to sit down and relax before life tries to rush you again.

Let's start this week by setting clear boundaries, protecting our peace, and refusing to say we apologize for who we are.

Truth be told, the workplace can be dangerous for queer Africans and people of African descent because of the fake jokes, coded comments, religious digs, and small insults that are passed off as "banter."

They believe that we won't speak up, that we'll just swallow it, smile, and shrink.

In reality, though, you should be treated with respect everywhere, not just at work.

You are not there to educate adults who enjoy pretending they "didn't mean it." And you are not obligated to perform emotional labour for anyone.

Keep your cool and be direct. That comment was wrong. Let's keep the conversation professional. I'm not going to talk about my personal life at work.

The goal is to keep your peace, not to win an argument, so your tone doesn't have to be angry. Your boundaries just need to be clear.

Note down everything: every comment, every date, and every witness.

HR won't fight vibes; they'll respond to facts. Documentation turns their lies into your proof. It keeps you safe when people “forget” what they said.

The primary purpose of documentation is self-defence, which is a major concern.

The truth that no one wants to say is, that leaving is sometimes the healthiest thing you can do.

When it's clear that the environment is toxic, HR isn't helping, you're constantly shrinking to survive, your mental health is breaking, and you're tired of putting up with it, that's when you should leave.

It's not weakness to walk away; it's a smart move to protect yourself rather than do more damage. Countless Africans call pain "strength," but I call it "harm."

Others will try to make fun of you for protecting yourself. You're sensitive. It was only a joke. You're making this into a thing. No, you're not “making” anything; you're just reacting to reality.

It's not fear that keeps you from surviving; it's clarity that helps you do that. It's also choosing to stay whole in a world that wants to break you down. Self-defence is sacred and not selfish.

I have confidence, clarity, and peace as I go through this week. My identity is not a burden; it's my power.

I pick myself every single day because I value my safety, my dignity, and my voice, and I will never feel guilty about defending my soul.

Your identity shouldn't be a joke, a target, or a debate at work. It should be respected, not tolerated. You should be able to breathe, not have to hold your breath. If they refuse to do that, allow yourself to do what they never did: pick you.

If you want to be honest with yourself this week, I want you to think about one question: Where have you been holding back to keep the peace?

The hurtful thing is when you hide your happiness, change who you are, shut down your thoughts, or water down the truth, so other people can feel good.

The worst part is that we get so used to living that way, that we start to think it's "normal." So take a moment to really notice who drains you, where your body tenses up, what conversations make you feel small, what spaces make you feel like you have to perform instead of being§. What boundaries have you been too tired or scared to set? Be honest with yourself, not mean, just honest because being aware is the first step to freedom.

You can finally straighten your back again once you name the places where your spirit is being bent. This week, let's pick one small moment to stop shrinking. One moment to take up your whole space. One moment to breathe without saying sorry. Your truth deserves space, and so does your body.

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Remember this as you begin the remainder of your week: Your joy is not a luxury; it is fuel; your boundaries are legitimate; and your existence is not a negotiation.

The world can try to shut you up, change you, or make you seem less important, but you can always pick to be yourself.
Move and walk with purpose, and remember that soft living is also a way to fight back.

Many thanks for coming to this space, reading, and being here.
See you next week, with the same courage and truth.

Charles.